too early to say that it's over

How do you come back from a long absence? You just do. Nothing fancy. Nothing big. No excuses. Just a list.

While I spent that last month most certainly not writing any blog posts (except the million I wrote in my mind) I was reading and reading and reading like crazy hundreds of posts by other people. And I found my way back to my blog after reading this post.

And so I took her challenge.

My Love List

I love that my desk is right in front of a window (more like a big glass door that is sealed shut, but whatever) and that I can look out and see a big field on a hill in the distance. I love that, back in the fall, I could watch the farmer harvesting in the field, and now that it is warming up, I can see the farmer out again, walking with his dogs and getting ready for spring. Something about seeing those activities makes my day better, and I really enjoy the reminder of how I am connected to the earth. I love how the warm water from the shower loosens the tension in my neck and shoulders each morning. I love that there are no knobs on the cabinets in the bathroom to catch the cords of my blow dryer and curling iron. I love chenille socks. I love putting a heating pad between my sheets before I get in bed so that the space where my feet will go gets all toasty warm. I love McDonald’s French fries. I love fingernails that are trimmed to the same length. I love genuine laughter. I love the smell of garlic and onions cooking. I love looking at a map and dreaming of future trips. I love church bells, especially when they ring at night. I love looking at the clock, realizing it is almost 5 pm, and thinking that the afternoon as passed by quickly. I love evenings without commitments. I love getting lost in a good book. I love meeting people and instantly connecting over multiple similarities. I love the occasional day when I don’t really have to talk to anyone, and equally love time with friends that is spent talking for hours and hours. I love pretty pictures, especially of nature. I love sunsets and counted them as a main reason to move back to Kansas. I love the mountains, and miss chances to go to them. I love happy tears. I love the TV show Jon and Kate Plus 8. I love pictures of me when my hair was longer and blonder. I love a meal that someone else has cooked for me, but I also love to be in the kitchen. I love it when I crave a particular food, am able to find a new recipe, and the finished product is exactly what I was craving. I love cookies and cream ice cream, and I love walks to the Creamery to buy ice cream. I love to drive fast, preferably well above the speed limit. I love all breakfast foods. I love being outside when the weather is comfortable. I love the way the clouds move when a storm is approaching, and I love standing, watching it coming, and feeling the wind move faster and faster. I love the first drops of a heavy rain. I love wearing ponytails. I love ice water. I love worn-in jeans. I love Sketchers shoes without laces. I love, surprisingly, wearing high-ish heals. I love exchanging looks with friends and coworkers—the kind of looks that communicate a sometimes-lengthy message that you both absolutely understand. I love the color of my eyes, and the way they look all teal and green in the evenings. I love earrings that are just long enough that I can feel them tap against my neck when I shake my head. I love the color kelly green. I love my local library. I love that sometimes the right and best answer just comes. I love Cottonelle toilet paper. I love the roasted red pepper sauce at Quiznos, and come to think of it, love most things that are roasted red pepper anything. I love oranges that have been peeled by other people. I love reasons to get dressed up. I love the comfort of my couch. I love that I see and feel the hand of the Lord in my life daily. I love fleece blankets. I recently discovered that I love swimming. I love to gossip. I love hearing about the successes of others. I love hearing that the rules are fair. I love the Toyota RAV4. I love keyless entry on cars. I love finding a parking space next to the cart storage area in parking lots. I love Ziploc bags, especially when traveling when I put just about everything I pack into different Ziploc bags. I love that there is something about having everything you think you'll ever need sitting in the seat next to you. I love listening to stories that require no response from me. I love wandering through bookstores and fabric stores, dreaming of the things I will read and sew someday. I love knowing what time it is, and I love having a schedule that is planned in advance. I love cards and mix cds that come in the mail. I love looking through photos of previous trips and experiences and seeing obvious looks of happiness of everyone’s faces. I love cherries, and cherry trees in bloom. I love TV shows that tell the how, when, or why things are made. I love decorating cakes. I love making lists, even if I never cross anything off them. I love getting emails. I love clearing out my email inbox and having everything organized into folders. I love a well-cared-for garden. I love sitting with my feet up on the couch. I love finding just the right words to express exactly what I want to express. I love taking self-portraits. I love feeling that I belong, and that sometimes the belonging, more than accomplishing, is what brings meaning to many situations. I love the smell of tomato plants. I love researching anything and everything online; I love going into a purchase, large or small, knowing I am making an informed decision. I love musicals and singing along. I love honesty—with others, from others, and especially with myself. I love the expressions “not so much” and “shut right up.” I love going out to eat, especially when someone else is paying. I love knowing that no matter what I do, and no matter how many times I fail, and no matter what kind of mess I make, that I will always have somewhere to go home to, will always have people who will take care of me, and will always be able to find meaning and hope beyond what the world can give me.

The challenge: make your own list. The only catch? You can't include a single person you know on your list. No "I love the way my husband laughs" or "I love hearing my little girl call for me." It'll be tough, I know. But this particular little exercise is about stripping away everyone who defines you and figuring out what you (not his partner; not their mother/daughter/sister/friend) love