Monday, May 19, 2008

taking some personal initiative

Some things we have learned today:

  • Not all women find the idea of a competition for a date to be flattering or respectful.
  • There are a lot of stereotypes about people who live in Provo/attend BYU/are single and LDS. Some are more accurate than others.
  • What some call creative, others call tacky. And vice versa.

Some things I still don’t understand:

  • Is it really necessary to offer tickets to a concert as incentive to get girls to ask boys out these days? Because if I remember my time in the bubble correctly, there is a lot of that going on without boys needing to entice a girl with concert tickets. Wouldn’t he rather go out with people who are interested in ANYTHING he has to offer beside Stadium of Fire tickets?
  • Why is it assumed that because I went to BYU that I despise Democrats and only vote Republican, am ethnically prejudiced, cheap, and spoiled? Or that I don’t want a marriage of respect and equality? It think that is an awfully big leap from “I think this guys might not be on the right track,” to “I wish for a marriage where my husband does everything for me. I suck.”

Some things I think we can all agree on:

  • Some boys are shallow. Some girls are shallow. Pretty much all of us have displayed some shallowness in our lives at some point.
  • I know very few girls who are not willing to pay for a date, or who would be unwilling to ask a guy out. I think most of us understand that dating goes both ways and that girls need to show their interest just as much as guys do.

I am going to just believe that the site and contest were mostly posted as a gag, (KC himself calls it a "fun summer dating gimmick." (Although he then goes on to say that, "If you find it so awful that I would suggest that a girl take some personal initiative to get a date, I would ask you if sitting at home in sweats with a tub of ice cream watching a chick-flick is a more dignified alternative. Or I hear getting together with your girlfriends for a man-bashing gossip party is a more respectable option too." So, we know the he has received some flack for the gimmick.) and that the boy is generally a good person, and that he didn’t mean any disrespect with the contest. I’m going to believe he just wanted a chance to meet new people and thought this would be fun and unique. I’m going to believe that his grandmother knows about it and thinks it is fine (oh, because she does.)

Mostly, though, I think that the whole thing is stereotypically BYU. In the bad way that people stereotype BYU. I started out being slightly amused and rolling my eyes, and ended up just being glad that it’s not my brother. And if KC marries the girl he takes to the concert, well, won't we all be amazed.


Miss L said...


KC Kern said...

Wow! Who knew this would cause such a stir!

Yes, I am THE KC Kern in question, and was given an anonymous tip to this blog, telling me there was quite a hubbub about it all.

I can't help but laugh at the level of passion in the responses this has evoked.

I set this up mainly for the pool of girls I'm friends with in my ward, and when I announced it, it was met was laughter and cheers.

What a contrast to someone who doesn't know me and randomly stumbles upon it online. I can see how without the background of knowing me, the context, or my personality, this can come off as a horrendously pretentious initiative. But rest assured that those for whom this is designed are taking it in good fun.

I thought that calling it "sweepstakes" would be an obvious tip that this is an over-the-top gimmick, but with an audience as wide as the internet brings, I suppose that was a naive assumption.

I've been at BYU for 4 years, and will be graduating in August. My dating experience has less than favorable, and I've pursued one dead end after another; I have faced complacency, apathy, and general disinterest from the girls I've taken out. This is my last ditch effort to finish my time here with some measure of dating fervor.

So forgive me for being a bit grandiose about it, I'm just trying to pull the plug on a simmering tub of frustration and angst that has been brewing during my time here.

That said, I understand the concern for the girls who feel manipulated or disrespected by this. And also the hurt feelings that might come from being a runner up after a valiant effort. While my deepest empathies resonate with these poor souls, I too have faced the grim realities that hide behind the doors of my best intentions, and have accepted them as a part of the game.

I realize that our culture has placed different responsibilities on men and women in the realm of courtship, but I somehow feel OK about turning the tables for once. If it totally backfires on me, then I'll have learned my lesson. If it works out, even better!

So, let's not take this too seriously, folks. I know it's kind of shallow and dumb, but that's how college kids are. This is my last chance to pull off something of this magnitude. If all goes well, I'll be able to fill my June calendar, meet some fun people on the way, and hopefully help them have a good time too.

I hope this helps frame things in a more reasonable perspective.



Ginet said...

Well, my friend, you can never say that people don't read your blog!

Earlier this afternoon I posted what I thought was a lighthearted comment about a silly dating contest going down in a place known (good or bad) for its creative dating. Little did I know the explosion that was about to occur. My. My. You struck a nerve with this one!

I personally found the whole string of comments quite amusing. Thanks for the entertainment. You never let me down.

Now a note to KC...good luck and keep us posted, we're all dying to know how this one turns out.

REW said...

Huh. Too many people are too ready to take offense nowadays. The way I see it, if you are the sort of person that takes offense to his sweepstakes, you probably aren't his type. Hey, come to think of it, he may not be your type, either. And most likely the only women who would actually participate would already be friends with him and understand the silliness of it all. So why the fuss? The guy is just looking for someone to take to a very in-demand event... someone that has made more of an effort than the "sure-I'd-love-to-get-a-free-dinner-and-movie-on-you" sort of date.

Miss L said...

Kudos to KC Kern. I appreciate his comments...and his willingness to take the many rants and modify his website; please remember, though, that when I initially saw it and had my guttural response, there were no F.A.Q.'s nor "runner-up" date options. So, good for him for thinking those things up and adding definitely softens things up. And my sincere apologies for offending anyone; that was not my intent.

I never dated in Utah, much less Provo. My husband and I moved to Utah just AFTER we were married so he could go to Graduate School. It makes me laugh and sometimes cringe when I hear stories of my friends who do/did date in this particular culture, because that's what it is. A quirky culture all its own, which (as Jennifer pointed out) has its great, good and not so good qualities.

If it's any consolation, dating outside of Utah is just as challenging--and the pool is MUCH smaller. I was in that pool a LONG time, so I know whereof I speak. Looking back, I think it's meant to be a process that refines everyone involved. It's the pits, but it leads to the greatest of joys. No wonder there is opposition.

So, I hope you can forgive me, but I still think the Stadium of Fire contest is on the tacky side, but whatever works, eh? Besides, I'm sooooooo clearly not the target audience, it doesn't even matter. :)

And in all sincerity, good luck to KC and anyone else who is trying to find their significant other-- through whatever type of scenario you come upon.