Tuesday, January 13, 2009

a letter to my belly

Dear Pregnancy,

It’s been a rocky road from the beginning, hasn’t it? We haven’t always seen eye to eye, and yet I’ve consistently bent to your will. I keep telling myself how it’s all worth it and there isn’t anything you can throw at me that I can’t take. Extreme exhaustion? Subconjunctival hemorrhages? Inability to eat a full meal? Bleeding? Done. Nausea and vomiting? Meh. Everyone’s doing it. Granted, they aren’t doing it well into month FIVE, but, hey, you want to make this a real challenge? Go ahead. Oh, you want me to actually wake up in the middle of the night with the nausea? Fine. Bring it. But then, Pregnancy, you started in on the blemishes. I thought we had talked about this. The face was off-limits, remember? I do realize you are sticking to one very specific area of the face, but that doesn’t make this any easier for me. Still, I’ve stuck with you. I’ve made excuses for you to my ever-patient husband and have done my best to not cry in front of you. I have waited months and months for all the wonderful things that I heard in pregnancy fairy tales—energy, full and healthy hair, maternal glow, the second trimester of wonderfulness, and the nesting. Those stories about this being the best and most wonderful and seriously most blessed time of my life? Lies. Also, if one more person tells me about how when they were pregnant they "felt more like a woman than any other time in their life" or how "they loved loved loved being pregnant" or how "pregnancy was the easiest and most wonderful thing that ever happened to them" I will very likely smack them.

However, whatever truce we had has now come to an abrupt end. As I’m sure you’re well aware, the happenings on the top of my head are just about pushing me over the edge. Dandruff? Are you even kidding me? And the greasy build-up of seven weeks of camping? What gives, Pregnancy? This in no way resembles the healthy and luxurious locks I was promised in Laurel class. I’ve tried to be patient, I really have. I’ve taken your beatings and waddled on with a smile. But now? Well, if you were an actual person I’d give you the stink-eye and a powerful uppercut. I have no idea why people agree to do this more than once, except, I totally do because I know I would. Consider this a challenge, you mischievous mixed blessing, you. You can’t beat me. I will triumph. Do your worst. I’m totally going to rock these final 99 days. Or at least wear headbands and hats.

(Wait, you’ve already done your worst, right? We’re past the hard part, aren’t we? Hello? Pregnancy? Call me!)

Jennifer

28 comments:

Janssen said...

Oh dear - sorry it's been rough so far.

I'd say call up your Laurel teacher and demand a refund.

Also, my grandma was always telling my mom that it was the whole "best days of her life" and "never felt better than when pregnant" and my mom was like "um, right. That's not how it is for me."

Allison said...

I promise you'll NEVER hear me talk about how womanly and sexy my glorious pregnancies made me feel! Yes, of course it's worth it, but that certainly doesn't mean we'll enjoy it, does it? Hang in there!

99 days of pregnancy left
99 more days 'til he's here
Mark one more day off the calendar and sigh for joy
Only 99 more days of pregnancy left!

98 more days of pregnancy left
98 more days 'til he's here...

Karla said...

Hate to warn you but the third trimester throws some things at you also. Like being to big to bend over and too big to sleep. I don't understand why anyone would enjoy pregnancy.

jaction said...

Thanks for the honesty! I'm so sorry to hear you're having such a terrible time, but my good friend Megan has the same miserable pregnancies and would definitely chime in with your "this is not what they said it would be like." You rock, even if you are sick and greasy and tired. You are amazing and I miss you.

Whirl Winds said...

Oh my goodness you need to write for a paper. I was laughing at your great descriptions. Well... not laughing at you, but your ability to capture everything so well. Just wait.. you'll have plenty to write about after delivery.
MCkenzi

Adrienne said...

Oh, sing it sista!! Can we all hear a HUGE Amen?!

Bre said...

I don't know if I can say anything to make you feel better, but just know that you are wonderful and doing a beautiful thing (even though it doesn't feel that way). Keep smiling and you will make it with flying colors. :)

Miss L said...

I love the stink eye thing. bahahahha. ps...how to say this without incurring the wrath of the pregnant woman or accused of brown-nosing, but...I think you look beautiful and radiant and I don't notice any problem with blemishes and your hair. Hello! Seriously. Maybe it's that whole, "It is better to look good than to feel good" thing? Nah...probably more that, "I never said it'd be easy, only worth it," mantra.

Truly, I'm so sorry that you've been so dang sick for so long (and that your second trimester is making me a liar!). But maybe that's so that in 15 years, when Baby Someboy is being a snot because he's now Teen Someboy, you can say, "Don't get smart with me young man. You have NO IDEA what I went through," and you will so be telling the truth.

Heidi Hallam said...

I love it! You have a talent for creative writing. Whoever said pregnancy was wonderful must not remember. The pregnancy glow comes from being too hot all the time. The nesting doesn't come until the very end when you try to get everything ready for when the baby comes. Karla's right about the 3rd trimester curveball - when you can't put your own shoes on, no clothes fit, can't catch your breath, heartburn, smooshed stomach can't hold but small portions, what more can you ask for?...
I just wanted to prepare you! Good luck! Somewhere along the way you'll find your strength. I found mine after baby number 3!

Original Ping Family said...

Sorry I missed seeing you when you were here at Christmastime. Also, sorry for the rough times, but really - when you hold him in your arms you will know it has all been worth it (that is until he hits about 12-1/2). ;o)

I would never have told you all those lies! Pregnancy is just rough!! PERIOD

I remind my sons still that they owe me big time for their existence!

Hang in there!

sarah said...

I love you, Jen. :)

When I was pregnant...oh wait. Nope. Not me. Someone I knew was once though.

Sorry it sucks. But I'm glad we got to hang out for a few days in Utah through the sucky times.

Rachel Taylor said...

Wow Jen that was pretty stinkin funny. Not what has happened to you of course, that is just plain awful, but your writings about the events are marvelous. Talk about adorable! I hope it gets better!

Anonymous said...

They talked to you about being pregnant in Laurel class? That's really weird.

Your pregnancy post grosses me out. Stop it.

Wendy said...

Hi Jennifer--Justin showed me your blog--I think he found it listed on the Slaugh Scoop. Anyway, this is the best description I've ever read of pregnancy! I just wish I'd read it 10 years ago before I started my child-bearing years with false hope of wonderful pregnancies!

housewife said...

Man - no need to comment, you've got a ton! Anyways, sorry your body is giving you such a hard time with this pregnancy. I want to know who on earth thinks being pregnant makes them feel like more of a woman. What?!? Have they even been pregnant?

Megan said...

You make me giggle...and I think we have twin pregnancies.

Megan said...

Oh, and what is a Laurel class?... I'm so going to Google that right now.

Karen said...

But you look great and still glowing! I loved reading this. Brings back so many memories.

Daisie said...

You are so dang creative! I got such a kick out of this post! Besides the fact that I hate that this is beating you up! Not Fair!

Lauralee, Dean and Camden said...

I love it! I hated hearing from people, oh I had 5 kids and never felt sick once! Are you kidding me! I feel your pain but it does go away, eventually!

Lesley said...

I'm laughing like crazy. Or wait, maybe I'm crying. That's really all I have to say about that.

Melissa said...

I would karate chop your belly for you if I was there, just to show it who is boss.

Chandler Family said...

Hum...reading your blog makes me miss you! I was in Utah the other day and went to lunch with Greg and Phil and I kept looking over to the seat next to me wanting you there with us! By the way Pregnancy sucks and don't let anyone tell you any different...and the whole thing with trimesters is a sham they're all awful! But that is with Alesy's, you saw me during James'(treking all over campus and working three jobs....yea I would never be able to do that now!) Lovya and soak it for all it's worth, make Somebody give you foot rubs everyday!

Stephanie said...

You should have asked me about being pregnant. There are only 2 things that are good (for me) about being pregnant. 1) The baby in the end and 2) for some reason my leg hair grows really slow, so I hardly ever have to shave my legs. Everything else is bad, bad, bad. I have 8 weeks left with my pregnancy and I've never felt more like a beached whale in my whole life. I could go on and on, but this is your blog and not mine :) Also, nobody prepares for the after pregnancy woes. Sure, you have a new baby, but your body goes through a whole other set of problems. But, the baby is worth it...right?!

BYU Fish said...

LATE I know...but this possibly could be the best bit of writing I've seen in quite some time! YOU ROCK SIS!!!!

BYU Fish said...

But...again...glad it's YOU and not ME!

Tara said...

i once read an article about surrogate mothers and have decided that they must be either the luckiest people on the planet (to have such a wonderful time they want to do it just for the heck of it!) or the most insane! pregnancy kicks my trash! i'm in it for the baby and that is it! i won't go into too many details we've gotten back in touch and all *wink*wink* but let me just say that my last baby resulted in a 50% weight gain. as in, if i were a shampoo, my new label would have read "now 50% more free!"

Empower Hour said...
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