Thursday, April 10, 2008

things that must go

A radio station in the state I used to live in had a segment called “things that must go.” I will copy them here, because, seriously, there are a lot of things that bug the crap out of me and Must. Go.

1. Music on blogs. A few days ago, the wise and lovely Janssen posted about how she hates blogs that have a reduced view in Reader that required her to click through to their web site to read each post. I could not agree with her more. There are some blogs that I am willing to click through to (because I know the writing or pictures will be worth it) but in general I just skip over such posts. And then I delete them from my list of blogs to read. You know what is just lovely about Reader, beside the easy access to hundreds of blog feeds? The fact that you don’t have to risk having annoying music start playing when you open some blogs. People, why do you do that to me? If you want to hear music then just play it on your own computer? Why do you want to share it with me? Oh, because you know I like shared music? Well, not of that variety. I know I can scroll down and turn the music player off, but mostly what I do instead is close the page. And then shake my fist at the heavens, roll my eyes, and move on to blogs that don’t assault my ears.

2. Really low toilet paper dispensers in public bathrooms. Is this some sort of ADA thing? Because I can’t imagine what kind of disability would allow someone to sit on a normal height toilet and then only be able to access toilet paper that comes out of a dispenser that is secured to the wall in such a way that it is lower than my knees and I must reach down to get the paper. What the? Is there a legitimate purpose for this? What would the harm be in positioning that dispenser a little higher? It bugs me.

3. The “the antioxidants will protect me” grape juice commercial. I don’t even know what brand made this commercial, but whenever it comes on I find myself cringing and changing the channel. Seriously? The antioxidants will protect you? It’s the kind of thing that would be cute if your own child said it, but that seems so contrived and annoying when the child actor does it. It has ruined grape juice for me. Just kidding. I’m not sure there is anything that could truly ruin grape juice for me, but this commercial comes really close. Stop. Please stop.

4. Bad honeydew on fruit bars. People, do you put the honeydew (aka musk melon) there as a space-taker-upper? Oh, you do? Well, knock it off. I like honeydew. A lot. But I don’t like the rock-hard junk that is put out on so many fruit platters. Can you not tell the difference between ripe and yucky? Maybe not. Brush up on that skill, kids, because a ripe honeydew is like a little slice of heaven. In related news, the fruit platter this morning had sliced mango. Mango! How did they know it was my favorite? Mango is another things I just can’t get enough of. Somebody thinks that some time in Taiwan eating it at every meal will cure me of my love, but I doubt it.

5. Disregard for the illness/problems/property of others. What’s up with that? Why must every story of mine be topped by a story that involves you? I’m talking here, people. Focus. And why can’t I just be sick? Why do you have to be more sick? Or handling your sickness better? And why can’t you act like the things of others are important and have value, too? True, they might not be as expensive or fancy as yours, but that doesn’t mean that they have any less importance to the owner. Case in point: today at the board meeting one of the attendees started doodling on the linen tablecloth. In pen. Even though a pad of paper was less than six inches away. A grown women drew on the tablecloth. Why? The only reason I can come up with is that she simply doesn’t take notice of things that are not hers. And that thinking must go.

I’m sure I’ll have more later, which shouldn’t surprise those of you who know me and how I like to talk about the things that bother me.


Madelyn said...

Amen to the toilet paper problem! And if the person before you doesn't leave any hanging you have to contort your arm up in the thing and spin it like you're a freaking hamster hoping the end will make it self known to you all the while hoping your leaning won't make you fall clear off the commode.

Janssen said...

This post warms my cold dead heart.

Also, the only point of you being sick or buying something new is so that someone else can tell you how much MORE sick they are/were/will be/might be and how much better their new whatever is. Or old whatever.

I too love mango.

housewife said...

Seriously...doodling on the table cloth? How old are we people?

Miss L said...

Glad you found a delicious treat before you left Texas. :)

I bet you a nickel and a quarter that the grape commercial probably started out an actual child's blurting, and then ballooned into what we now get to "enjoy." What I think of everytime I see it is "SPILLED GRAPE JUICE" all over the house as that kid takes those dang cups to her room. Yegads. You know me, I freak out with just cups of water being carried around by O.

Miss L said...

Jason wanted me to add this to your list and I have to agree: Thing that must go: those annoying little dancing people that appear on websites ads, touting great mortgage rates. Let's be honest, we're okay with PEOPLE dancing to their own drummer and like no one is watching, but groovin' facsimiles? Ummm...not so much.

chloe elizabeth said...

Ha ha ha ha!!! I love you!

Anonymous said...

Which Board Member?...was it the one whose name is also a Giligan's Island character? I guess that wasn't really a good "code" question, eh?
Come back soon!
Fellow sCREWed Emloyee