a year in review

I feel fully justified in posting this now because half of my family is Chinese and the Chinese rang in the New Year just this past weekend. Here are a few pictoral highlights from this past year:


January: We bought a bamboo steamer and (sort of) perfected the steamed bun.

February: I had what was both the best trip and the worst trip to Arizona. The worst because I stubbed my toe, lost a toenail, and got strep throat. The best because I got to see the lovely Housewife and her family, AND I got to have the yummiest fresh oranges ever.

March: We started our indoor plantings for our square foot gardens. It became clear that Somebody has a serious green thumb because all his starters sprung to life too early to go into the ground and (I think) became the beginning of the end of our gardens. April: The highlight for sure was our trip to Utah where we got to spend time with some good friends and have raclette for the first time.
May: Family, family, and more family, which we were so excited about that we jumped off the boat. Also, this month I stopped wearing eyeliner. No one noticed.June: I ventured back to Canada and had the best two-hour cab ride that ended with these yummy burgers.July: I won a "guess how many m&ms are in this jar" competition and won all 8,000 of them. That's a lot of m&ms.

August: Somebody started working full-time (at a job he continues to love), we bought a new car (which I continue to love), oh, and we found out about the little guy. No biggie.September: I branched out from just cherry and peach and perfected the blueberry pie. October: I went to Houston and wore this wig for a work party. Sadly, I have never had more compliments on my hair in my life.
November: The highlight of the month (and quite possibly the year) was the weekend we spent in Boston, Albany, and New York City. We got to see places we love and friends we love even more.

December: Christmas in Utah with family and 18 inches of snow in 24 hours. And a pool. And a really steep hill. Also some skiing for Somebody.
2008: This year has completely kicked my trash. It has been challenging in ways that I didn't know were possible, and more than once I have felt beaten and spent. Luckily there is a light at the end of this tunnel--a small but bright light who is kicking me right now. It also helps that when I have steep hills to climb Somebody will always be there.

a letter to my belly

Dear Pregnancy,

It’s been a rocky road from the beginning, hasn’t it? We haven’t always seen eye to eye, and yet I’ve consistently bent to your will. I keep telling myself how it’s all worth it and there isn’t anything you can throw at me that I can’t take. Extreme exhaustion? Subconjunctival hemorrhages? Inability to eat a full meal? Bleeding? Done. Nausea and vomiting? Meh. Everyone’s doing it. Granted, they aren’t doing it well into month FIVE, but, hey, you want to make this a real challenge? Go ahead. Oh, you want me to actually wake up in the middle of the night with the nausea? Fine. Bring it. But then, Pregnancy, you started in on the blemishes. I thought we had talked about this. The face was off-limits, remember? I do realize you are sticking to one very specific area of the face, but that doesn’t make this any easier for me. Still, I’ve stuck with you. I’ve made excuses for you to my ever-patient husband and have done my best to not cry in front of you. I have waited months and months for all the wonderful things that I heard in pregnancy fairy tales—energy, full and healthy hair, maternal glow, the second trimester of wonderfulness, and the nesting. Those stories about this being the best and most wonderful and seriously most blessed time of my life? Lies. Also, if one more person tells me about how when they were pregnant they "felt more like a woman than any other time in their life" or how "they loved loved loved being pregnant" or how "pregnancy was the easiest and most wonderful thing that ever happened to them" I will very likely smack them.

However, whatever truce we had has now come to an abrupt end. As I’m sure you’re well aware, the happenings on the top of my head are just about pushing me over the edge. Dandruff? Are you even kidding me? And the greasy build-up of seven weeks of camping? What gives, Pregnancy? This in no way resembles the healthy and luxurious locks I was promised in Laurel class. I’ve tried to be patient, I really have. I’ve taken your beatings and waddled on with a smile. But now? Well, if you were an actual person I’d give you the stink-eye and a powerful uppercut. I have no idea why people agree to do this more than once, except, I totally do because I know I would. Consider this a challenge, you mischievous mixed blessing, you. You can’t beat me. I will triumph. Do your worst. I’m totally going to rock these final 99 days. Or at least wear headbands and hats.

(Wait, you’ve already done your worst, right? We’re past the hard part, aren’t we? Hello? Pregnancy? Call me!)

Jennifer

i am...tagged

Emily did this a long time ago, but I'm just now getting around to posting my answers. I suppose I should ackowledge that she didn't even tag me, but when someone tags my family I consider myself tagged as well.

i am: pregnant. I’m a lot of other things (tired, grouchy, cold, a woman, a wife, a daughter, a tax-payer) but it seems that the pregnancy thing keeps taking center stage these days.
i think: it is okay to listen to Christmas music any time of year.
i know: I am loved.
i want: the rules to be fair.
i dislike: feeling like I don’t belong.
i miss: campfires in the canyon.
i fear: that I’m taking the comfort of my life for granted.
i feel: slightly guilty that I am not more productive at work.
i hear: the music playing on my iPod.
i smell: lemons and oranges and it makes me happy.
i crave: sour candy and French fries.
i cry: at night, when no one is watching.
i usually: drive above the posted speed limit.
i search: the internet for everything—recipes, cars, clothes, sales, advice, tutorials, movies, etc.
i wonder: what I would look like if I really did color my hair brown.
i regret: dismissing the feelings of others and not paying better attention.
i love: my family more than they could possibly know.
i care: about how I present myself to the world.
i always: trim my fingernails so they are all even—even if one breaks really short.
i worry: that the sunburns of my youth have damaged my skin.
i am not: very good at small talk and am surprisingly shy when I meet new people.
i remember: a time when what I currently have was all I ever wanted.
i believe: that people are generally good.
i dance: with Somebody and in the car.
i sing: folk songs with Heidi.
i don't always: get what I want. But I find, surprisingly, that I often get what I need.
i argue: when I’m right and when I’m tired.
i write: when I have something to say.
i win: parallel parking contests.
i lose: my patience pretty quickly.
i wish: on stars.
i listen: to advice, but sometimes I have to listen a few times before I’ll actually follow it.
i don't understand: why I don’t do more of the things I know I should.
i can usually be found: near a computer or in the kitchen.
i am afraid: that I’m just not strong enough.
i need: to take piano lessons if I’m going to get any better.
i forget: to wash the dishes. And by “forget” I mean “leave them in the sink and hope that Somebody will do them for me.”
i am happy: with the life that has been given me.

Are you looking for something to write about while you visit family, open presents, and drink cocoa? I thought so. I'm tagging Megan, Housewife, and Allison.

the date that almost wasn't (part 2)

Continued…

"Would you like to go out to the movies with me tomorrow?"

Let me just say right here that anyone who gets asked this question, this directly, should probably say yes. Here I had spent years "hanging out" and "getting together" and "doing something together" and hardly ever being asked out, seriously asked out, with a request to participate in a specific activity. (Upon rereading this may sound like I was hardly ever asked out, and while there may be some truth to that, what I meant was that I was rarely asked out so directly. Boys in that neck of the woods are all about the round-about ask.) And this boy, this person so completely different from me that it was almost unbelievable, had asked me out in the most direct way possible. Had I not be wishing and hoping and planning and dreaming already, I still would have had a hard time saying no. And yet…

"Yes. Can we talk about this tomorrow?"

The trouble was that I kind of already had plans. I already knew that my Saturday was going to be busy but I didn't want to tell him no.

"Would you be willing to come with me to take the participants to the airport in the morning? We can talk about it then."
"Sure. What time?"
"5 a.m."
"So, in about five hours?"
"That's right."

So, I picked him up bright and early the next morning and he rode in the van with me to the airport and back (which was very helpful because, you know, no one else in the van spoke English.) On our way back from the airport we started to talk about our plans for the day and for that evening. Somebody asked about dinner and a movie that night, and then, because we were already together, why didn't we just stop somewhere and get breakfast?

Of course I spouted off my schedule. I had to finish up some work at the office. Then I had promised one of my employees that I would help her at the ballet auditions we were holding that afternoon. And then I had volunteered to cover a shift at the temple until 8pm, but it would probably end early because they always let us out early. Oh, and my sister was going to have a baby aaaaaannnnyy moment and when she did I needed to be available to rush right up to her house to tend the other kids. So, sadly, I wasn't going to be able to go to breakfast. Or lunch. Maybe the dinner and movie though, you know, if the temple shift ended early and my sister didn't have a baby. I tried to laugh off the awkwardness.

"I have a hard time saying no to people," I said.
"Except to me. You don't seem to have a hard timing saying no to me."
"Oh. Well, I'll call you as soon as I get out of the temple and let you know my plans. It should be around 6 p.m."

Unfortunately, 6 p.m. came and went. And then 7 p.m. Wouldn't you know that it was one of those nights when the temple was busy and no one was leaving early? When 8 p.m. finally arrived I rushed out of the temple and checked my voicemail messages. Somebody had called and was wondering why I hadn't called him and when I would be available. And my sister had called because she was on her way to the hospital to have a baby. Uh oh. I called Somebody and apologized that I hadn't been able to call sooner and also broke the news that I would need to leave right away for Ogden to be with my sister.

"That's fine. Could you drop me off at my friend's house in Salt Lake City?"
"Sure."

The ride up to Salt Lake was quiet and slightly tense (at least for me). When we arrived at his friend's house he hopped out of the car, tossed a "Drive safe. Bye." in my direction, and started to walk away. "Oh, well, I'll call you when I get there to let you know I made it safe." "Sure." I continued my drive through what had become a slightly serious snow-storm and arrived safely at my sister's house an hour later. I called Somebody to let him know I was safe. "Okay. Thanks. Bye." The end—he hung up.

Even though it was closing in on midnight I couldn't fall asleep. I was bothered by Somebody's cool attitude and remarkably concerned that I had blown the opportunity to see him again. His work assignment was over and there was no obligation for him to call me or see me again. I was upset at myself for not deciding earlier in the day to make sure that our date actually happened. I'm not a very regular journal writer, but that night I felt the need to write down what I was feeling. I found a blank blue index card in my purse and wrote the following:

"Dream on Friday night, Feb 17. He was standing a little way away from me—facing away from me. His arms were down by his side. I walked up to him and with my left hand took his right hand. He turned to me and smiled and said, "I have been waiting for you." That was the whole dream. My feelings are kind of where the story is. While I was walking towards him I was afraid. But as soon as I touched him I was calm. And by taking his hand I was making a choice—I was choosing him. And he had just been waiting for me to be ready and to make the decision to reach for him. Interesting."

I went on, on that note card, to write about what I would have changed that day if I had the chance. How I would have made sure that he knew I wanted to go out with him. How I would have found a moment (and a spot with cell phone reception) in the temple and been sneaky about calling him to let him know I was going to be delayed. How I would have said something in the car—apologized more—and asked about his plans to return to Provo. And then I wrote:

"I have no explanation for why this matters so much to me. I hardly know this person. I have no reason to believe that this relationship will amount to anything. But it does matter. And I can't stop thinking about the dream and about how all my fears melted away when I decided that he was the right choice. And so I wonder if maybe he is the right choice. What if I just threw away my one chance to make this a relationship that matters?"

Dramatic much? And yet, it really did matter to me.

The next morning I took my nieces and nephews to meet their new sister. I had just happened to put in pigtails that morning (who am I kidding—that is pretty much my fall-back hair style) and my sister took a few photos. So I sent him my favorite photo--who could resist those pigtails? And I wrote, "If you want to try again for the movie you can call me."

And then I waited. And waited. I distinctly remember having a conversation with my two-year-old niece about how I was waiting for this guy to email me or call me and I just didn't know if he was going to and I was kind of worried that I had blown my chance. She just stared blankly and sucked her thumb. It was a deep and moving conversation.

Of course, he did eventually call. And we ended up rescheduling our date for the next day.

The actual First Date: When I was on my way to pick him up he called and said he was at the grocery store down the street and asked me to pick him up there. I went down to get him and he came out with a bouquet of tulips. (When I reminded him about this fact—the store and the flowers—he said he didn't remember either of those things. Convenient. He does, however, remember this next part.) He then said that he wanted to go for dinner at his "most favorite restaurant ever," which turned out to be KFC. After a lovely and deep-fried dinner, we said a movie and then parted ways. It was, perhaps, one of the least exciting dates ever and would have probably been relegated to the "I went on this date this one time, but I don't really remember the details. Or that guy's name." bin if the continuation of the story hadn't been so spectacular.

So, there you have it—pages and pages of story leading up to one paragraph about the actual date. This is one of those stories where everything important is in the journey and not the destination.

And so our first date almost wasn't. Luckily, both of us saw something, and then felt something, and then knew something with absolute certainly and the date that almost wasn't has become that date that will be. April 24, 2009. I'm pregnant. Our baby boy will join us on or around April 24, and I can't tell you how happy I am that I'll have a friend there.

my heart is full

1. I am grateful for the exercise (some days more than others) of forcing myself to reflect on my day and my life and take notice of the blessings that I have been given.
2. I am grateful that the snow held off falling until after Thanksgiving.
3. I am grateful for the knowledge that I can pray and receive answers to my prayers.

"One of the things we can give at Christmas time, that no one else can give, is our thanks...
"Even though events and circumstances in the world at times become discouraging, our task, not alone in the Christmas season but always, is to be of good cheer. The Lord so often counsels us to have cheerfulness in our lives.
"And now, verily I say unto you, and what I say unto one I say unto all, be of good cheer, little children; for I am in your midst, and I have not forsaken you." (D&C 61:36)
"Wherefore, be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you; and ye shall bear record of me, even Jesus Christ, that I am the Son of the living God, that I was, that I am, and that I am to come." (D&C 68:6)
"The Lord will be in our midst, he will be with us and stand by us and lead us."
-Spencer W. Kimball, "A Gift of Gratitude," Tambuli, Dec 1977

"Now therefore, our God, we thank thee, and praise thy glorious name."
1 Chronicles 29:13

blessed peace to cheer us

1. I am grateful to have my laptop back. My brother has had it this week doing some much needed maintenance and clean-up (another thing I am most grateful for) and today has been my first real chance to be back on. I love the convenience of a laptop and also having access to all my files.
2. I am grateful that we set up the Christmas tree today. We did help a little with the main family tree upstairs, but we also set up "our" tree downstairs, and I was thrilled to discover that when we packed the tree away last year we has left the lights strung on (something I forgot we did) so that our set-up was a breeze.
3. I am grateful for the happy sounds of a house full of family, but also for the restful quiet that occurs when all the cute children depart.

"We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude."
-Cynthia Ozick

from the beginning the fight we were winning

1. I am grateful for a refrigerator full of delicious leftovers.
2. I am grateful that yesterday was the perfect combination of prepping, cooking, cleaning, playing, hugging, eating, cleaning, napping, laughing, talking, and loving.
3. I am grateful for optimism.

"And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him."
Colossians 3:17

"You could have an experience with the gift of the Holy Ghost today. You could begin a private prayer with thanks. You could start to count your blessings, and then pause for a moment. If you exercise faith, and with the gift of the Holy Ghost, you will find that memories of other blessings will flood into your mind. If you begin to express gratitude for each of them, your prayer may take a little longer than usual. Remembrance will come. And so will gratitude."
-Henry B. Eyring, "Remembrance and Gratitude," Ensign, Nov. 1989

feed thou our souls, fill thou our hearts

1. I am grateful for a really restful sleep with delightful dreams.
2. I am grateful that have many happy memories to reflect on and think about in quiet moments.
3. I am grateful for a life of abundance--I am generally healthy; I live in a free county; I have a stable and supportive family; I feel loved by many people; I am married to someone who loves me and is kind to me (and I am just head over heels for him, too); I live in a nice home with comfortable furniture; I have reliable cars to drive; I have a kitchen and pantry stocked with food; I have friends who make me laugh and remind me of the good things in life; I have an active imagination and can find the good in bad situations; I have a good education and a job that is secure; I feel safe; I enjoy the freedom to worship according to the dictates of my conscience; I have easy access to modern medicine and good health care; I have access to the medical knowledge of a timeless civilization and a husband who is not afraid to use it; I have been taught by people who love me and want the best for me; I feel my Savior's love; I am the recipient of countless acts of service; I know who I am and what my potential is; I have a closet full of clothes (even though on most mornings I complain that I have nothing to wear); I have planned and lived well so that even in uncertain economic times I can be optimistic and confident in our ability to make it through; I have been given more than I can use and so am able to give to others. Truly, my cup runneth over.

"So once in every year we throng
Upon a day apart,
To praise the Lord with feast and song
In thankfulness of heart."
-Arthur Guiterman, The First Thanksgiving

"Thanksgiving is the holiday of peace, the celebration of work and the simple life... a true folk-festival that speaks the poetry of the turn of the seasons, the beauty of seedtime and harvest, the ripe product of the year - and the deep, deep connection of all these things with God."
-Ray Stannard Baker

And this one isn't specifically gratitude related, but I love it and am grateful for my own testimony that God lives and that He loves me.

"I bear testimony that God lives. His love is infinite and eternal. It extends to all of His children. Because He loves us, He has provided prophets and apostles to guide us in our time. He has given us the Holy Ghost, who teaches, comforts, and inspires. He has given us His scriptures. And I am grateful beyond description that He has given to each of us a heart capable of experiencing the pure love of Christ. I pray that our hearts may be filled with that love and that we may reach out to our Heavenly Father and to others with new vision and new faith. I testify that as we do so, we will discover a greater richness in life."Joseph B Wirthlin, "The Great Commandment," Ensign, Nov. 2007

god, our maker, doth provide

1. I am grateful for the comfort of being surrounded by family--people who love me no matter what I do and understand me even without my having to explain.
2. I am grateful for Thai food (not from Taiwan, but from Thailand, although I also enjoy the Taiwanese food) and a restaurant that is close to my office for the days when a bowl of curry is just what will hit the spot. I am also grateful for their generous portions so there is more than enough leftover for lunch another day this weekend (just in case the turkey runs out.)
3. I am grateful for drive-throughs. I am the frequent user of the drive-through at my local library (where you can let them know in advance what books or movies you want and then just go to the drive-through window and they will hand them to you) and today I started using the drive-through at my local pharmacy as well. As a bonus, because I filled three prescriptions I got a coupon for $.30 off each gallon of gas and so was able to fill up my tank and pay only $1.25 per gallon. Happy early Thanksgiving.

"And they gave thanks to God, yea, all their men and all their women and all their children that could speak lifted their voices in the praises of their God."
Mosiah 24:22

"As with all commandments, gratitude is a description of a successful mode of living. The thankful heart opens our eyes to a multitude of blessings that continually surround us. President J. Reuben Clark, formerly a First Counselor in the First Presidency, said: "Hold fast to the blessings which God has provided for you. Yours is not the task to gain them, they are here; yours is the part of cherishing them" (Church News, 14 June 1969, 2)."
-James E. Faust, "Gratitude As a Saving Principle," Ensign, Dec 1996

praises we offer with voices and hearts

1. I am grateful for homemade bread toast with honey.
2. I am grateful for coupons so that getting lunch or dinner is much less expensive.
3. I am grateful for Christmas cards (yes, we received our first one this week) from friends in far away places. I'm not the best at keeping in touch with people, even when I like them a lot, and it's good to know that at least once a year I will get an update on my friends (and their families).

"We need to be more grateful. I think there's no true character without gratitude. It's one of the marks of a real strong character, to have a feeling of thanksgiving and gratitude for blessings that are ours. We need more of that spirit in our homes, in our daily associations, in church, everywhere. It doesn't cost anything. It's so easy to cultivate the spirit of appreciation and gratitude."
-Ezra Taft Benson, "Receive All Things with Thankfulness," New Era, Nov 1976

"Thanksgiving comes to us out of the prehistoric dimness, universal to all ages and all faiths. At whatever straws we must grasp, there is always a time for gratitude and new beginnings."
-J. Robert Moskin

there is hope smiling brightly before us

I was sitting in my office on this perfectly ordinary Monday when I started smelling a very familiar smell. Oranges. Someone around me was eating an orange and I suddenly wanted one. Christmas season* means orange season. Means an orange in the toe of my stocking. Means oranges and nuts (in shell, with nutcracker) in a bowl on the kitchen counter. Means me sitting forlornly at the counter hoping someone will peel an orange for me. Because oranges, like bananas, are yummy fruit encased in peels that I hate touching. Luckily, in this little mental trip I took from the orange smell to wanting to eat an orange, I very quickly remembered that in all the time I have known him, Somebody has never refused to peel an orange for me if he knew I wanted one.

1. And so today I am grateful that something so ordinary—the smell of an orange—immediately reminded me of something so extraordinary—the love and service I receive every day, in very ordinary ways, from Somebody

2. I am grateful for an iPod to drown out the "office" noises around me.

3. I am grateful that this Thanksgiving week will bring my brother (tomorrow!) and my sister (Wednesday!) and my other brother (Thursday!) to my house to celebrate. The only way this party could get better was if my other sister was coming, too. I am grateful that, at least, I get to spend Christmas with her.

Robert Louis Stevenson, who wrote, "The man who forgets to be thankful has fallen asleep in life" (Quotationary, electronic quotation dictionary).


*And I know (I KNOW) it is not even Thanksgiving yet, so I'm kind of jumping the gun here calling it Christmas season. But there were oranges, people! Oranges!

may we sleep and wake in joy

1. I am grateful for Somebody, who is celebrating his birthday today by helping my niece with her homework and helping my dad puree pumpkin.
2. I am grateful for the variety of card/board games that my family has accumulated over the years and for a family that loves to play games together.
3. I am grateful that Somebody knows my food preferences enough that when he is looking through cookbooks or food magazines he can identify recipes that I will like and point them out to me.

"Thus, my brothers and sisters, there is so much to be grateful for. I give my thanks to our Heavenly Father and to all of you. This is a time when we ponder our blessings and when we also prepare for the new year, for which we should make new resolves and set new personal goals. This partial inventory of our collective blessings should help us to be ever more grateful and ever more determined. Please do the same within your families. Count your blessings, and express your gratitude to your eternal partners, to your children, and to your parents for all that they do."
-Spencer W. Kimball, "A Gift of Gratitude," Liahona, Dec 1977

with no good evidence

1. I am grateful for a Saturday full of friends and fun.
2. I am grateful that I decided to not attend the football party because our alternative activity was much more restful.
3. I am grateful for E.D Smith's Black Cherry Raspberry Blood Orange fruit preserves. I love this flavor combination because it is more tart than sweet. "We can live in thanksgiving daily by opening our arms to those around us. When was the last time you told someone you love how much they mean to you? When was the last time you expressed your gratitude to someone who has always been there for you, someone who has sacrificed for you, someone whose heart has always been filled with hopes and dreams for you?

"When was the last time you unselfishly reached out to help another in need? Every time we cheer another's heart, every time we ease another's burden, every time we lift a weary hand, we show our gratitude to that God to whom we owe all that we have and all that we are.

"Choice blessings await those who live in thanksgiving daily. "He who receiveth all things with thankfulness," the Lord has promised, "shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more" (D&C 78:19).

"Don't wait to start. Open your eyes, open your hearts, and open your arms. I promise that as you do so, you will feel greater joy and happiness. Your life will have a new level of meaning. You will forge relationships that will transcend this life and endure through the eternities."
-Joseph B. Wirthlin, "'Live in Thanksgiving Daily'," Ensign, Sep 2001

how quickly the wide open narrows

This week is busier than normal. It’s probably just the typical pre-holiday rush of activities and assignments, but I’ve felt deadlines loom in every area of my life this week (and for the rest of this, we are just going to leave work aside because I’m a master at leaving my work assignments at work and not trying to get them done on “my” time). I sent Somebody a list of things that I needed to get done and there was definitely more than I could accomplish in the short time I have at home each evening. Even with the list I somehow started missing commitments. One night this week I agreed to accompany Somebody on an errand and completely forgot that my visiting teachers were scheduled to visit. Luckily, my mom was home and they were able to visit with her for a while, but I felt guilty that they had driven 20 minutes across town and I had completely spaced the appointment. Last night was supposed to be spent with a couple of friends finishing a craft project that I started in August. We cancelled the plans at the last minute because of the sickness that has invaded both their homes, and suddenly I had extra hours to get some of my tasks done.

First up was to make a dessert for a meeting I have tonight. I stood in the pantry for ten minutes looking at the boxes of cake mixes (all six of them) and trying to think of something I could do with them other than just make a cake. And then I turned to allrecipes.com for some inspiration. Half an hour later I still hadn’t found anything I felt like making and so moved on to the next project. (If you’re keeping track, that was almost 45 minutes wasted. A cake could have been mixed and baked in the time I spent NOT making up my mind.) I was hoping to write the next section of our story (which is kind of turning out to be the longest lead up to a first date in history) but was delayed because I needed some information that I knew I had written on an index card. I just needed to find the card. Sadly, it is somewhere in a storage room filled with 23 boxes from our previous life. I looked through every box that made sense to me and that I could reach, even climbing over chairs and tables to get to harder to reach areas. For an index card. A blue index card with information I felt like I just had to have. An index card hidden in boxes of books, clothing, kitchen items, and other randomness that we never unpacked. What are the chances that it is going to turn up any time soon? I did, however, find the lost bag of t-shirts that I was looking for last week (Russ—I found your shirts!) and so that hour of the evening was not a total loss.

In the end, I accomplished only one of the tasks that needed to be done last night. No dessert was baked. No story was written. No coat was purchased. No photos were edited. I was feeling discouraged and slightly overwhelmed when Somebody came home from class. I knew that I was ignoring him and not responding to his stories and not engaging him in conversation. At one point when I was still getting ready for bed and he had already finished, he was just hanging around waiting for me to be done (he does this often—he calls it “wanting to be with me” and because I’m a cold-hearted snake I call it “being smothered”) and I turned to him and said, “You know, you don’t have to wait in here for me.” “I know,” he replied, “that’s what makes me so nice.”

For those of you who are not fans of Wicked!, you might have missed the humor there, especially considering that part of his story I was ignoring earlier involved how he was listening to the Wicked! soundtrack with the volume turned all the way up on the drive home from class. And, quite honestly, that is what makes him so nice. He is willing to wait around until I get my stuff in order personally and can finally focus on the people around me who might need me. Later he said, “I just need you to pay some attention to me.” After my heart broke into a million pieces and I smacked myself for being so selfish I finally focused my attention where it belonged. It’s not going to matter that I’m going to show up tonight with a store-bought dessert (note to self—go to store and buy dessert) and doing so doesn’t make me less of a baker or less of a woman. And it isn’t going to matter to anyone but me if the story I wanted to tell isn’t going to be finished in time for Somebody’s birthday. I can wait another week for a coat. And those photos are still going to be there when I get back to them next week.

What cannot wait, and what shouldn’t wait, is for me to take the time to make sure that Somebody knows that when he needs my attention, he can have it. When he needs me to be there for him, I will be there. No matter how busy my week might be, I need to learn to put my family before own interests. I am so lucky that Somebody is willing to tell me that he needs me, because if I was allowed to move along without interruption it might be days (weeks!) before my list of things to do eases up enough to finally turn around to see how he is doing. And who knows what I would have missed, and what I would have hurt, in all that time. It would not be too much of a stretch to say I spent the entire decade of my twenties waiting to be needed like that. It would be a shame to throw all that love away because of a cake and a coat.

1. I am grateful that I have family and friends who are patient with me through my weaknesses and are willing to point out the times I am moving in a direction they know I will regret.
2. I am grateful for honest answers (especially to hard questions.)
3. I am grateful for flannel sheets and heavy blankets that restrict my nighttime movements and allow my sleep to be more restful.
4. Also, as a bonus for Heidi, I’m grateful that the signs around town now look like this:

Although I took this picture yesterday and just now noticed that today the price has actually gone down to $1.56. It's like a Thanksgiving miracle.

"One thing I can tell you with certainty is this: You cannot predict happiness by the amount of money, fame, or power a person has. External conditions do not necessarily make a person happy. The Brethren who have had assignments in poorer countries report that despite the abject poverty, the people are very happy. The fact is that the external things so valued by the world are often the cause of a great deal of misery in the world.
"Those who live in thanksgiving daily, however, are usually among the world's happiest people. And they make others happy as well.
"Gratitude turns a meal into a feast and drudgery into delight. It softens our grief and heightens our pleasure. It turns the simple and common into the memorable and transcendent. It forges bonds of love and fosters loyalty and admiration.
"Living in thanksgiving daily is a habit that will enrich our lives and the lives of those we love."
-Joseph B. Wirthlin, "'Live in Thanksgiving Daily'," Ensign, Sep 2001

there's the given and the expected

1. I am grateful for items that I can successfully cross of my “to do” list.
2. I am grateful for an earpiece so that I can listen in to conference calls and take notes without kinking my neck.
3. I am grateful for Cadbury Thins 100 calorie milk chocolate bars. I bought a couple of boxes of these when I was last in Canada (Dear U.S. What’s up with not carrying this deliciousness? Please get on that. And if Tim Hortons could come, too, that would be great.) and have enjoyed them ever since. I don’t always have a craving for the perfect chocolate/toffee treat (I’ve been leaning more towards French fries as my guilty pleasure these days) but each time these catch my eye I am delighted both by the taste and by my wonderful memories of Canada.
In every thing give thanks.
1 Thes. 5: 18

"Thanksgiving, after all, is a word of action."
-W.J. Cameron

like a pinprick to my heart

1. I am grateful for my mother. It's her birthday today and I hope it is wonderful for her. As the years go by I see so much of my mother in me and am happy that she passed along not only physical traits (although I really didn't get any of those—they all went to my lucky sisters) but her fun personality as well. Happy Birthday, Mom. My Mom. Rocking Motherhood since 1973.
2. I am grateful for the yummy smell of clean laundry.
3. I am grateful that Somebody is finally getting over his cold so that he will allow me to come within three feet of him.

"A happy home is but an earlier heaven. President George Albert Smith asked, 'Do we want our homes to be happy? If we do, let them be the abiding place of prayer, thanksgiving and gratitude' (in Conference Report, Apr. 1944, p. 32)."
-Thomas S. Monson, "Precious Children--A Gift from God," Ensign, Nov. 1991

i can sense a resting place

1. I am grateful for friends who come to visit and remind me of my fun and care-free college days. We reminisce and laugh and share and all is right with the world. Thanks, Partner.
2. I am grateful for new friends that I feel comfortable with so that when we arrive at their house I can say, "Can we have something to drink? And can I use your bathroom? Oh, you have a story to tell? How about you tell that after I use the bathroom." And they are just fine with my abrupt randomness.
3. I am grateful for the laughter of little children. I saw the children of two of my good friends tonight and in both homes there was much laughter and silliness.

"The grateful man sees so much in the world to be thankful for, and with him the good outweighs the evil. Love overpowers jealousy, and light drives darkness out of his life. Pride destroys our gratitude and sets up selfishness in its place. How much happier we are in the presence of a grateful and loving soul, and how careful we should be to cultivate, through the medium of a prayerful life, a thankful attitude toward God and man!"
-President Joseph F. Smith, Gospel Doctrine, 5th ed. [1939]

i don't know if it was real or in a dream

1. I am grateful for restaurants that serve really yummy, warm bread while you are deciding on what to order. And then will bring you more when you ask for more.
2. I am grateful that there are some days when I decide to actually style my hair so that when I happen to see myself in the mirror I think it looks pretty. This is, sadly, a very rare occurrence these days.
3. I am grateful that last night (when we went on a tour of Liberty Jail) we were mistaken for a youth group.

“In the Book of Mormon we learn that we should "live in thanksgiving daily" (Alma 34:38). Isn't that a wonderful thought to live in thanksgiving daily? Can you imagine how your life would improve if you lived in thanksgiving daily? Can you imagine how your life would improve if others did the same? Do you think the world would be a happier place? less stressful? less angry? more spiritual?”
-Joseph B. Wirthlin, "'Live in Thanksgiving Daily'," Ensign, Sep 2001

it's a strange way to show it

1. I am grateful that my mom and I can play Christmas duets on the piano. We may be only in the beginner book, but we have such fun playing together.
2. I am grateful for priesthood leaders who listen to my complaints and frustrations and do their best to make the situation right.
3. I am grateful for family game nights where there is a lot of laughter and no competition.

"It seems as though there is a tug-of-war between opposing character traits that leaves no voids in our souls. As gratitude is absent or disappears, rebellion often enters and fills the vacuum. I do not speak of rebellion against civil oppression. I refer to rebellion against moral cleanliness, beauty, decency, honesty, reverence, and respect for parental authority. A grateful heart is a beginning of greatness. It is an expression of humility. It is a foundation for the development of such virtues as prayer, faith, courage, contentment, happiness, love, and well-being."
-James E. Faust, "Gratitude As a Saving Principle," Ensign, May 1990

come here let me clip your wings

1. I am thankful for warm jackets to wear on cold days.
2. I am thankful for oppotunities to cook with friends.
3. I am thankful for homemade bread.

"And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more."
Doctrine and Covenants 78:19

"... when we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that's present--love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature, and personal pursuits that bring us pleasure--the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience heaven on earth."
-Sarah Ban Brethnach

the date that almost wasn’t

As many of you know, Somebody and I met at work. When I hired him. Because he was so good looking. Just kidding. Our courtship was short one but is a story that I haven’t really told. It began with a date that almost wasn’t.

When I was working at The BYU I coordinated many summer programs and also professional conferences. One of the professional conferences I was assigned to was a two-week conference where all of the 20 participants were coming from mainland China to study how to teach art education at the college level. They would take classes from BYU professors (mostly from the Dance Dept, English Dept, and Education Dept) during the day and then I made arrangements for them to attend cultural events (like dance, music, and stage performances) in the evening. My toughest assignment when making all the arrangements was securing native Mandarin Chinese speakers to serve as interpreters (none of the conference participant spoke English). The director of the program was adamant that the interpreters be native speakers and not just Mandarin-speaking-American returned missionaries. I finally located someone in the Chinese Department who could hook me up with some experienced interpreters and I was all set.

I remember the first week of the conference passed by in kind of a blur, and during that time I thought of Somebody only as “the interpreter.” Although, admittedly, by the end of the week he was more like, “the really good interpreter” and sometimes “the cute interpreter.” But, alas, “interpreter” nonetheless. (Actually, at the time I called him “the translator” but was later informed about the difference between the two words and so have chosen to use the correct word in this story.)

The Friday of the first week I took a “friend who also is a boy but maybe could be something more but right now just a friend and probably will always be just a friend but you never know” to the evening performance. Somebody was on interpreter duty that night and was sitting right next to us. He (or, if his version of the story is to be believed, one of the conference participants) clearly thought something was going on between me and my friend, but I didn’t hear about that until later.

Saturday I stayed home (hello, I totally deserved the day off) and Somebody and another interpreter went with the conference participants up to Park City to shop. They were also supposed to tour the Olympic Park, but let’s all be realistic about what they really wanted to do. The details of what was going on up there are fuzzy to me, but I remember having several phone calls with Somebody as he tried to corral the frenzied shoppers. I may have laughed at him. And I may have wished I was there with them (him).

Sunday I joined the group for a tour of Temple Square, a viewing of Legacy (with interpreter headsets), and dinner at a Chinese restaurant in SLC. The restaurant was a buffet and, besides playing the happy birthday song repeatedly, was one of the better buffets I’ve been to. One of their signature items was tiny little squids. Each one looked like a miniature—about an inch and a half tall—octopus with the round body and many tentacles. Delish. I’m still not sure exactly how it worked out that I was going to eat one, but somehow my willingness to eat one of these became an event that everyone had to watch. I raised the spoon to my mouth, almost put it back down, and then popped the whole thing in. After a few chews, and a half-hearted smile, everyone cheered and went back to eating their own food. After a few more chews my smile was less noticeable. Several chews later I was wondering how I could get this yuck out of my mouth. And I might have, if Somebody hadn’t been watching me. So I kept on chewing. And kept on. And kept on. This was my first experience with the Chinese food eating experience of “this will never feel like it is chewed enough, so after a respectable period of time you should just swallow.” No one had warned me about this. Finally I think Somebody said, “you can probably swallow it now.” And so I did. And there was no vomiting. What did happen, though, and I only know this because Somebody told me later, was that he, for the first time, took notice of me.

On Monday, Somebody came up to me during one of our lunches and asked if the boy who came with me on Friday was my boyfriend. “You know,” he said, “because one of the participants wants to know.” Oh, they did, did they? Riiiiiight. I said that he was just a friend and went about my merry way. Later that day I said to my office friends, “I think the cute interpreter likes me” and relayed the incident to them. “Of course he likes you,” they assured me. “Who wouldn’t?” Everyone should have friends like that.

Well, one thing led to another. Tuesday was Valentine’s Day and Somebody showed up to interpret first thing that morning and said to me, “I thought about bringing you a flower today for Valentine’s Day. But I didn’t.” Um, thanks? The director, who was standing nearby, pulled me out of the room to tell me that she thought he was flirting with me. And that I was flirting back! What the?

One of the days during that week he was interpreting for a modern dance teacher who decided to have the partipants do a little interpretive dancing. She was talking about how you can use movement to convey emotion or your memory of an experience. She did a little demonstration and then turned to Somebody. “Why don’t you show them?” she said. “Please do interpretive movement to show ‘mother’” (at least I think it was mother. That part is vague to me.) And he did! He paused for just a moment to stare at her, as if that really could not be a legitimate assignment, and then just did it. He just moved. Like it was no big deal to have to give an interpretive dance example. Although the thing in the room most moved at that moment was me. I don’t know that I have even been as impressed as I was at that moment.

Friday night was the final shebang of the conference and Somebody was not scheduled to attend (another interpreter was scheduled.) I was starting to be a little sad about that and wished that he could be there and so early Thursday morning I called and left a message on his phone asking if he would be willing to attend so that I would have a friend there. He called back and left a message that said, “Yeah, I guess I can go…because you say you need a friend there.” Almost three years later I still have that message saved on my phone because every time I hear it I remember how happy I was the first time I listened to it. I sat on the floor in the Conference Center and listened to it over and over and over.

Friday night we drove up to the dinner and dance performance separately from the rest of the group. Somebody was actually asked to do most of the interpreting (Honey, did I pay you for that? I totally did, right? I did.) because, well, obviously he was the best. And then during the dance performance there might have been some leaning. And then, on the way home, when we were on University, going past the mall, heading down the hill toward campus (basically, when the evening was five minutes from being over) he turned to me and said, “Would you like to go out to the movies with me tomorrow?”

To be continued…

these are not times for the weak of heart

Last night as I was driving home from work I was happy to be a spectator in a Kansas sunset extravaganza. Ahead of me the sky was the dark blues of impending night. Behind me the sky was still lit with the pinks, oranges, and salmon colors of the clouds hanging on to the last bit of day.

When I lived in Utah Valley, I complained (probably too often) about how the mountains blocked my view of the sky—especially the sunrise and sunsets. How could people live without seeing the horizon? During that time I was often frustrated by my lack of perspective, both literally in that the view was blocked by the mountains, and figuratively by my inability to see what the future held in store for me. Now that I'm in this new place, this new phase where I feel like I can see so much more and have so many more decisions spread before me, I look back at that point and am grateful that I was limited in the way I was. I thought I was ready to see it all, but now I can see that I needed the limitations so that I would be forced to grow in the way that the Lord wanted me to. He showed me just what I needed to see—no more and no less—in order for my actions to be focused on what was important at that time. The mountains that began as obstacles to my view became, over time, beautiful to me. I learned to live within my boundaries and appreciate the blessings of the moment. Now I sometimes look back at that time and wish for more restrictions, more ease, less responsibility. Hindsight, right?

So, last night, as I was watching the night deepen ahead of me and the sun dazzle behind me I was reminded that there are those special times when the Lord wants to show me everything. He does want me to know that there are no boundaries on my potential and that movement in either direction will lead to something that, although very different from the other option, can be beautiful. It’s my choice. I get to determine whether I want the deep blues or the vibrant reds. Today, while the sky is a troubled grey as a storm moves in, and my view in any direction seems dismal, I can take comfort in knowing that the colors are out there, somewhere, and that at the right moments (when I’m ready to see them) the Lord will remind that with His help I can see everything.

1. I am thankful for perspective and for my understanding of my divine potential.
2. I am thankful for the happy limitations that my life choices have brought. For example, I don’t get to choose anymore who I will marry because I already made that choice (and chose well) and am bound to it. And I don’t get to choose whether or not I will go to college because, again, that choice was already made.
3. I am thankful for my eyes and my ability to see colors, smiles, family, friends, nature, kindness, and everything else.

“It is delightfully easy to thank God for the grace we ourselves have received, but it requires great grace to thank God always for the grace given to others.”
-James Smith

“…The Roman orator Cicero claimed this quality was ‘not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others’ (Marcus Tullius Cicero, Pro Plancio, 54 b.c.). It is a quality I have found in every happy person I know. It is a quality that instantly makes a person more likable and more at peace. Where there is an abundance of this virtue, there is happiness. Where there is an absence of this virtue, there is often sadness, resentment, and futility. The virtue I am speaking of is gratitude.”
-Joseph B. Wirthlin, "'Live in Thanksgiving Daily'," Ensign, Sep 2001

the bearer of unconditional things

Nov 13
1. I am thankful that my real life involves a lot less drama, a lot less bizarreness, a lot less scariness, and a lot fewer criminals than my dreams.
2. I am thankful for rooms that have been recently cleaned and look organized and welcoming.
3. I am thankful that sometimes when I ask Somebody his plans and he says, “do homework” and I say, “oh, well my plans involved a lot more vacuuming and movie watching” that sometimes he gives in to my plans (and somehow still does well in school.)

“Think to thank. In these three words is the finest capsule course for a happy marriage, a formula for enduring friendship, and a pattern for personal happiness.”-Thomas S. Monson, Pathways to Perfection [1973], 254

this pedestal is high and i'm afraid of heights

1. I am thankful that my mom never made any meals with curry while I was growing up so that when Somebody first cooked for me and made chicken curry I could be sufficiently blown away by its deliciousness.
2. I am thankful for a pantry full of food—I have never once worried that I wouldn’t have food to eat.
3. I am thankful for my humidifier. In Utah I used it every night because the air was so dry. I think I must have become accustomed to the noise of the machine because now I have a hard time sleeping without it on. Here in the Most Humid State I have no need right now for the additional humidity but I turn it on with an empty water tank so I can still have the noise. I like to think that the sound drowns out my snoring, but Somebody assures me that it doesn’t. Oh well. You can’t win them all.

“A bulletin of some years ago of the Royal Bank of Canada dealt with underprivileged people of the world: ‘It is difficult for [most] North Americans to understand the plight of people in underdeveloped countries, because [most of us] have never been hungry. No one dies here of starvation. Elsewhere more than 1,500 million people go to bed hungry every night. … The fact is that not more than one in a hundred of the people in underdeveloped countries will ever, in all his life, have what a North American family would consider a good, square meal.’

“Cultivate a spirit of thanksgiving for the blessing of life and for the marvelous gifts and privileges each of us enjoy. The Lord has said that the meek shall inherit the earth. (Matt. 5:5) I cannot escape the interpretation that meekness implies a spirit of gratitude as opposed to an attitude of self-sufficiency, an acknowledgment of a greater power beyond oneself, a recognition of God, and an acceptance of his commandments. This is the beginning of wisdom. Walk with gratitude before him who is the giver of life and every good gift.”
Gordon B. Hinckley, "'With All Thy Getting Get Understanding'," Ensign, Aug 1988

i've been wanting your undivided attention

1. I am thankful that when Somebody asks me how he can help (while I'm making dinner) and I respond that mostly I just want him to wash the dishes, he always agrees.
2. I am thankful for a laptop and wireless internet access.
3. I am thankful for hot showers and cold drinking water.

“And they did sing praises unto the Lord; yea, the brother of Jared did sing praises unto the Lord, and he did thank and praise the Lord all the day long; and when the night came, they did not cease to praise the Lord.”
-Ether 6:9

“Both abundance and lack [of abundance] exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend … when we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that's present—love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature, and personal pursuits that bring us [happiness]—the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience heaven on earth.”
-Sarah Ban Breathnach, in John Cook, comp., The Book of Positive Quotations, 2nd ed. (2007), as quoted by Thomas S. Monson

all i really want is some patience

1. I am thankful for the option of working from home on days when I’m just not feeling well enough to go to the office.
2. I am thankful for Welch’s Fruit Snacks. These have become my go-to snack and I eat at least one each day.

3. I am thankful for heating pads.

“The Lord has said, "And in nothing doth man offend God, or against none is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things, and obey not his commandments" (D&C 59:21). It is clear to me from this scripture that to "thank the Lord thy God in all things" (D&C 59:7) is more than a social courtesy; it is a binding commandment.”
-James E. Faust, "Gratitude As a Saving Principle," Ensign, Dec 1996

it would knock me to the floor if i wasn't there already

1. I am thankful for friends who, no matter how long (or short) a time you have actually known them, it feels like you have known them forever and feel as comfortable with them as if they were family.
2. I am thankful for slow cookers that allow lunch/dinner to be ready and waiting for us when we get home from church.
3. Although I frequently complain about the time and expense of the process, I am thankful that we have the ability to extend Somebody’s eligibility to stay and work in the U.S.

“If you never learned the lesson of thankfulness, begin now. Sum up your mercies; see what provision God has made for your happiness, what opportunities for your usefulness, and what advantages for your success.”
-Ida S. Taylor

“Greatness is not always a matter of the scale of one's life, but of the quality of one's life. True greatness is not always tied to the scope of our tasks, but to the quality of how we carry out our tasks whatever they are. In that attitude, let us give our time, ourselves, and our talents to the things that really matter now, things which will still matter a thousand years from now.”
-Spencer W. Kimball, "A Gift of Gratitude," Tambuli, Dec 1977

take notice, take interest, take me with you

1. I am thankful for days when I can lounge around the house and never worry about being presentable.
2. I am thankful for dvr that records the tv shows we like to watch so that we can watch them any time we want and fast forward through commercials.
3. I am thankful the there are no more political commercials on tv.

"If a fellow isn't thankful for what he's got, he isn't likely to be thankful for what he's going to get."
-Frank A. Clark

take it with a smile

1. I am thankful that today I get to go back home and sleep in my own bed again. Big hotel beds are okay for awhile (especially when I'm the only one in them), but there is nothing like home.
2. I am thankful that own room has a balcony much like the conference room I was in yesterday. So this morning I decided to recreate the early morning chill (just in case it isn't recreated in the conference room) and opened the balcony doors while I was getting ready. I LOVE the bite in the air that comes with autumn and I'm thankful I was here alone so that no one complained when the room got really, really cold.
3. I am thankful for early nights to bed accompanied by restful sleep that leads to an alert morning. Sadly, the combination doesn't happen all that often.

"And they sang together by course in praising and giving thanks unto the Lord; because he is good, for his mercy endureth for ever toward Israel."
-Ezra 3:11

"Gratitude is a Spirit-filled principle. It opens our minds to a universe permeated with the richness of a living God. Through it, we become spiritually aware of the wonder of the smallest things, which gladden our hearts with their messages of God's love. This grateful awareness heightens our sensitivity to divine direction. When we communicate gratitude, we can be filled with the Spirit and connected to those around us and the Lord. Gratitude inspires happiness and carries divine influence."
-Bonnie D. Parkin, "Gratitude: A Path to Happiness," Ensign, May 2007

signals that are mixed

1. I am thankful for a pillow that is comfortable and doesn't kink my neck.
2. I am thankful for mornings when I already have my clothes for the day picked out--it makes the morning "getting ready" routine move much quicker and smoother.
3. I am thankful that the hotel conference room that my meetings are being held in today has two balconies with glass doors so that the light fills the room and I don't feel too cut off from the world. Also, when I came in first thing this morning the balcony doors were open so the room had that cold, crisp morning air feeling that I love, and I was grateful that I was here early to experience it.

"Gratitude is a mark of a noble soul and a refined character. We like to be around those who are grateful. They tend to brighten all around them. They make others feel better about themselves. They tend to be more humble, more joyful, more likable."
-Joseph B. Wirthlin, "'Live in Thanksgiving Daily'," Ensign, Sep 2001

slender threads and things to treasure

1. I am thankful for a job that pays the bills and doesn't require steel-toed shoes. Also, I'm glad that I can't see the ceiling pipes in my office because seeing them kind of creeps me out.
2. I am thankful for hope and for the ability to change the things I don't like about myself and my situation.
3. Somebody and I drive to work separately and our combined commuting mileage each day is right about 160 miles. We spend a combined total of four hours each day in the car driving to and from work. Paying for gas takes a huge chunk of our income and is the biggest section of our budget. Today I am grateful that for signs like this at every gas station in town:
This is a season for giving and a time for gratitude.
Gordon B. Hinckley, "A Season for Gratitude," Ensign, Dec 1997

i have victories to taste

1. I am thankful for phone calls from family and friends who live far away. It is always reassuring to know that there are people out there who care about me and are thinking of me.
2. I am thankful that I have access to a wide variety of fruits and vegetables and also that I enjoy eating them.
3. I am thankful for earrings that go with everything so I don't have to put any thought into my morning selection.

"We show our gratitude by sharing with others."
-H. David Burton, "More or Less," NewEra, Nov 2007

"Mercies and blessings come in different forms--sometimes as hard things. Yet the Lord said, 'Thou shalt thank the Lord thy God in all things' (D&C 59:7). All things means just that: good things, difficult things--not just some things. He has commanded us to be grateful because He knows being grateful will make us happy. This is another evidence of His love."
-Bonnie D. Parkin, "Gratitude: A Path to Happiness," Ensign, May 2007

the best one of the best ones

1. I am thankful for long weekends spent with Somebody, friends, East Coast-ness, good food, and much relaxation.
2. I am thankful that Somebody was willing to take me to any restaurant I wanted for my birthday dinner.
3. I am thankful that the yummy smell of a birthday cake was waiting for me when I got home from work today. (Thanks, Mom!)

We are thankful for blessings we cannot measure, for gifts we cannot appraise, "for books, music, art, and for the great inventions which make these blessings available[;] … for the laughter of little children[;] … for the … means for relieving human suffering … and increasing … the enjoyment of life[;] … for everything good and uplifting."
"Three Centuries of Thanksgiving," Etude Music Magazine, Nov. 1945

breathe in for luck

1. I am grateful for moments when I feel like the calling I have been given is the right calling for me.
2. I am grateful for ponytail holders—they make it easy for me to not do my hair.
3. I am grateful for Christmas music (and yes, I am already listening to it in the car. But not in the house. Somebody would never allow that.)

“Our society is afflicted by a spirit of thoughtless arrogance unbecoming those who have been so magnificently blessed. How grateful we should be for the bounties we enjoy. Absence of gratitude is the mark of the narrow, uneducated mind. It bespeaks a lack of knowledge and the ignorance of self-sufficiency. It expresses itself in ugly egotism and frequently in wanton mischief.
“Where there is appreciation, there is courtesy, there is concern for the rights and property of others. Without appreciation, there is arrogance and evil. Where there is gratitude, there is humility, as opposed to pride. How magnificently we are blessed! How thankful we ought to be!”
-Gordon B. Hinckley, “‘With All Thy Getting Get Understanding’,” Ensign, Aug 1988

attitude of gratitude 2008

Well folks, the trees are changing colors, the days are getting shorter, and you can just smell autumn in the air. It's time for jackets and pumpkins and the November Attitude of Gratitude Challenge. Participation is completely voluntary. For those of you who have not played before, the challenge is outlined below.

HERE'S HOW IT WORKS: Each day during the month of November you will list three "things" for which you are grateful.

Definition of "things"- the term "things" is used here to encompass a myriad of stuff including, but not limited to: a certain set of circumstances, an event, an inanimate object distinguished from a living being, possessions or effects, a deed or act, a product of work or activity, an idea or notion, a piece of news or information, a person, a memory, anything that makes you smile.

*The challenge is to come up with three ORIGINAL "things" each day. Try not to repeat entries.

WARNING OF POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS!!
Please note that challenge participation may result in any or all of the following:
- you will be surprised at all the Lord has done for you
- angels will attend
- you will feel help and comfort
- you may find yourself singing as the days go by
- your doubts will fly

To get you started, here is my list for today, November 1.
1. I am grateful that Somebody likes to travel as much as I do.
2. I am grateful for friends that are happy to see me again.
3. I am grateful for medication that takes the edge off of sickness.

"Gracias, danke, merci—whatever language is spoken, “thank you” frequently expressed will cheer your spirit, broaden your friendships, and lift your lives to a higher pathway as you journey toward perfection. There is a simplicity—even a sincerity—when “thank you” is spoken."
Thomas S. Monson, “The Profound Power of Gratitude,” Ensign, Sep 2005

how we conquered august

So, don't think that just because I haven't been posting that nothing interesting has been going on around here. Plenty has been going on. And yet, amidst all the happenings, my interest in coming home from eight hours at the computer just to sit in front of another computer has pretty much vanished. And, oh, how the blog has suffered.

Let's begin. First, we had a wonderful second anniversary, complete with a fancy new business suit for Somebody and an iPod for me (somehow I got the much better end of that deal.) Somebody proceeded to wear that suit to a job interview and shortly after that he was offered a job! Hurray for wonderful anniversary gifts! While we were both thrilled with the new job, because it is in Topeka we soon realized that our carpooling days were over. Sad. And yet! That bit of news led us to this:

Hurrah! What? Oh, why yes! That IS my dream car parked in the driveway. They brought it all the way from Tennessee because that was the closest model that met my very detailed and specific wants. Shopping for this car was slightly frustrating, but not nearly as bad as I thought it would be.

Sample conversation:
Dealer: So, what are you looking for?
Me: RAV4. Limited. Pacific blue. 2007. Tan interior.
Dealer: Well, what can I do to get you to buy a car here today? Me: Have the one I want.
Dealer: Well, we can make some big compromises, but you have to make some small compromises. How about a silver 2008?
Me: Nope. I know what I want, and I don't have to make compromises because I know what I want is out there.
Dealer: You are going to have to make some compromises.
Me: No. I'm not.
Dealer: Look, what do I have to do to get you to buy a car here?
Me: Have the car I want. And you don't. I know what I want. I'm not going to compromise.

We ended up having to make a quick run for it when they had their backs turned. Good times. In the end, not one dealership in the Kansas City area had what we were looking for, so we turned to our trusty friend Internet and located my dream car in no time. Somebody did some swift negotiating and the next weekend the car came up from Tennessee. I am still in some rather frustrating exchanges trying to get the vehicle titled and licensed, but I'm optimistic that it will all work out.

I could not be more thrilled with the car. I could not be more thrilled about Somebody's job. I could not be more thrilled with August.

the best part of my commute these days

i puzzle myself

Last night Somebody commented that I haven't posted in a while. (He said this, or course, right as I was finally getting around to posting about all our vegetables. A story that should have been told a month ago.) Sometimes, though, I just don't have the time, energy, or interest to sit down and write stories, even when I have something that I want to say. It's during those times that I make lists of things that I will post about...later...when I get around to posting. I went to check this list so that I can start the updates and one of the first items was this:

Raccoon /chimney /prophet

Uh. Okay. Apparently I had a story about a raccoon, a chimney, and a prophet. I have NO idea what this could be referring to. If these were the notes in your "blog about this" book, what story would you be telling?

reaping what we sowed

This was the harvest* from our garden on August 16. (When did I put those pictures together and save them on Blogger all ready to post? August 16. Sorry about that.) Our gardens this year about been producing like crazy. I took pictures at the beginning of the summer and then again last month to show the difference, but, of course, have not posted those. Man, I'm lazy this month. Oh, and the pumpkin? Yeah. We have about 30 more where that came from. Sadly, it's just a little early for carving.

Most of the vegetables have kind of given all they had to give by now, but we are still going strong on tomatoes, cherry tomatoes, pumpkins, peppers, and peaches.

*pictured (roughly from top to bottom) are leeks, green beans, squashini**, pumpkin, corn, cucumbers, cantaloupe, zucchini, jalapenos, tomatoes, cherry tomatoes, pimento, sweet peppers, and carrots. Not pictured, but also harvested that morning, we regular onions and green onion.

**We have several volunteer plants in the garden. This one, the squashini, seems to be a hybrid of yellow squash and zucchini. Tis yummy.

for blue skies

To celebrate my most amazing anniversary present, which came in the the kind of envelope I would like more gifts to come in, here is a little music meme for you all:

1. Put Your iTunes/music player/cd player/radio on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT!!! After you've answered all of the questions, tag three other people to do the meme themselves!

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?

Cry Me A River, Justin Timberlake

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?

Lonely Day, Phantom Planet

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?

Crazy, New Moon (uh, really? I thought I'd outgrown that attraction.)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

In The Waiting Line, Zero 7 (accurate in more ways than I can describe)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?

Give A Little, Colors

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?

Money, Money, Money, ABBA

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For, U2 (Really? That's what you guys think of me? That I'm directionless? Thanks a lot.)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?

Can't Stop Now, Keane

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT FREQUENTLY?

Again I Go Unnoticed, Dashboard Confessional

WHAT IS 2+2?

's Wonderful, Ella Fitzgerald

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

I Shall Believe, Sheryl Crow

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

On My Mind, Kalai

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

What Am I To You?, Norah Jones

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

I'll Take it From Here, Jonatha Brooke

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

Start Again, Catie Curtis

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

Dilemma, Nelly

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

Takes So Long, The Weepies (Seriously, it DID take a long time to get to the wedding.)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

I'll Be Back, Shawn Colvin (Well, if you say so.)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?

Sleep Better, Pete Yorn

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

Tea and Sympathy, Jars of Clay

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

Lucky, Secondhand Jive

WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?

For Blue Skies, Strays Don't Sleep

And now it's your turn!

This one time I tried tagging Megan and Miss L, but that didn't go over very well. Rejected in my own comments section. Oh, the horror.

So, my new tag list is Allison, Sarah, Janssen, and Housewife. Come on, you guys. Don't fail me.

Also, I'd just like to publicly offer my good wishes to Amiga Tags and Scrumptious Cupcakes--both making huge life changes tomorrow. To you I say, "I Shall Believe." Tackle the world, ladies.

doing like the locals do

My parents are in Indiana this week visiting my brother. They arrived this afternoon, and after checking into their motel (my mom calls all hotels "motels" regardless of their level of luxury or status) they immediately set out to see just what kind of "uniquely Indiana" things they could experience. After some time boutique shopping at Walmart they decided to try a local eatery called Olive Garden for dinner. I think later, just so they don't miss anything, they might venture to the movie theater, Home Depot or Burger King. Some people just know how to live it up.

from that moment

730 days. 30,080 miles. 6,397 "cheery" tomatoes. 3,251 photos. 63 trips to Costco. 14 dinner parties. 9 jobs. 6 bites of sea urchen. 4 kittens. 2 people. 1 love.

Happy Anniversary, Love. I'd still choose you over meatloaf.

this is what 12 hours old looks like

Miss L gave me permission to share, so allow me to introduce to you the newest addition to Zoo Peters—Miss Q.

five hundrend twenty five thousand six hundred minutes

One year ago today I got up early, got dressed, ate the pancakes my brother made, drove 45 minutes into Lawrence, and started my new job. I had been in Kansas less than 24 hours, was a little bit exhausted after our 20 hour drive from Utah, and was nervous to meet these new people who I would spend so much of each day with. That first day I brought a polka-dot take-out container from American Crafts that Richard had filled with Hershey’s Hugs and given us as a going-away gift. I thought it would be a nice gesture to my coworkers as they came to say hello if I offered them some candy. When I walked in the door that first morning my two supervisors were standing in the entrance to greet me and one of them took one look at me and said, “Oh, look at that—she’s brought her lunch.” Only she said it in a “well, look what the little county bumpkin has dragged in!” kind of way that embarrassed me and caused me to not really offer those candies to my new coworkers. It sat on my desk for a while, but eventually I put it away because looking at it made me feel different and somehow naïve and quite a bit like I didn’t fit in. I still have that container in my desk drawer, and it still has some of those Hershey’s Hugs in it.

It comes as no surprise to anyone who knows me that the last year has not been a bed of roses at my job. I certainly don’t love what I do, but most days I don’t hate it too much. I understand my responsibility to provide for my family and I’m just doing it in the only way I know how—by getting up every day, getting dressed, eating something my dad makes me, and driving 45 minutes into Lawrence. Somebody and I have spent many evenings (and occasionally mornings) with me in tears pleading with him to not make me go back. And every time we have that conversation he tells me, because he apparently likes me more than he likes food and shelter, that I don’t have to go back. And yet every day I get up, get dressed…well, you know the rest. The truth is, while there are many (Many. Many.) reasons why I will never love this job the way I did my last job, there are at least eight (sometimes more) reasons that make being here bearable—fun, even, sometimes. I work with great people. I feel like I belong. I feel trusted, respected, accepted, and cared for. I feel like I would actually be missed if (when?) I leave.

Today, in honor of my hard-fought anniversary, I went to lunch with some of my favorite co-workers. Ah. The sweet joy of all having the exact same grievances. Anyway, pretty much on our way out of the door a coworker pointed this out to me.

Oh, Cowboy. What have you gone and done? That tire was totally flat. And then do you know what happened? One of my coworkers just followed me out to the car, removed the jack from my trunk, and proceeded to remove that sad tire WHILE I WENT TO LUNCH (where we laughed and chatted and someone on my team paid for my lunch). I know. Awesome. Josh is awesome. Someone else gave me a ride to a tire repair place where they pulled this tiny toothpick out of my tire and patched it up. And then Josh put the tire back on. Everywhere I turned there were FRIENDS willing to help.

One year makes a huge difference. Perhaps it’s time to take that container of treats back out and try again.

coming up with 8 things is harder than you think

8 Things

8 things I am passionate about:
1) My family
2) My religion
3) Good food
4) Enjoying the journey
5) Knowing who I am (in the larger picture)
6) Planning ahead
7) Photography
8) Organization

8 books I have read and enjoyed:
1) The Wednesday Wars, by Gary Schmidt
2) The Thirteenth Tale, by Diane Setterfield
3) Three Cups of Tea, by Greg Mortenson
4) Eat Cake, by Jeanne Ray
5) The Glass Castle, by Jeannette Walls
6) The Lord of the Rings trilogy, by J.R.R. Tolkien
7) Harry Potter series, by J.K. Rowling
8) The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants series, by Ann Brashares

8 words/phrases I say often:
1) Shut right up!
2) Not so much.
3) I'm tired.
4) I need a different job.
5) I have a headache.
6) What should I wear?
7) I love you.
8) But that doesn’t mean we can’t have a good time.

8 things I want do to before I die (in no particular order):
1) Travel through Europe with Somebody
2) Have a child
3) Go on a cruise
4) Own a home
5) Visit Australia, Ireland, England, and Japan
6) Take a real vacation (a trip with no schedule, agenda, or responsibilities)
7) Make a difference
8) Speak Chinese fluently

8 Things I learned this past year:
1) Enjoying home life is SO much more important than enjoying work life
2) You don't have to talk every day (or month) to still feel close to and supported by your friends
3) I get bored very easily
4) I married the most patient man alive
5) It is easy to get used to someone else doing the laundry, making breakfast, and cleaning
6) Having no debt feels wonderful
7) Wearing a ponytail every day is easy
8) I am a master at wasting time online

8 Things I miss:
1) Utah mountains
2) College friends
3) A six minute commute
4) Being able to get by on only a few hours of sleep
5) My Utah sister and her family
6) Pleasant, cool evenings
7) Having a distinct summer
8) Staff shirts (I never thought I would say that, but it was kind of nice to not have to decide what to wear each day.)

8 things I currently want/need:
1) A scholarship to culinary school
2) A new car (hopefully a RAV4)
3) An elliptical trainer
4) A Mac
5) More time
6) A fancy camera
7) A full-time job for Somebody
8) A swimming pool in the backyard

8 items I could not live without (or at least wouldn’t want to):
1) Rubber gloves for cleaning
2) A car
3) Foam pillow
4) Towels
5) Lotion
6) Sunrise alarm clock
7) Sharp knives
8) Sunglasses

choosing sides

I’ve been struggling lately with…less than Christ-like thoughts. I’m not sure what’s come over me, but all this anger and frustration and guilt can’t be good for me. Every day I question what I’m doing and why I make the choices I do, why I give in almost without a fight, and every day I resolve to be better the next day. Then the next day I just get disappointed again. Last night I was reading an old conference talk and the recommendation was given to replace thoughts you don’t want with a positive thought, song, or story. Apparently it’s not enough to just want to think, or say, or be something different—you actually have to replace the negative habit with a positive habit. Novel idea, I know. So I’ve been thinking off and on today about what I can do or sing or yell when I’m faced with a situation likely to bring out the worst in me.

My old stand-by song, the one I use to rid my mind of all other annoying songs when I’m trying to sleep, is “I know you; I walked with you once upon a dream.” I have no idea why that one works for me, but it works like a charm every time I want to banish another tune from repeating itself in my head. Somehow I don’t think that one is going to work for this situation. Nothing seems to fit, actually. And then I read through another church talk this afternoon and came across this scripture:

"Thou comest to me with a sword, and with a spear, and with a shield: but I come to thee in the name of the Lord of hosts…This day will the Lord deliver thee into mine hand; . . . that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel" (1 Samuel 17:45–46).

The talk was about standing up for what is right and always being on the Lord’s side of the line, which, eh, yes, applies here. But for me it was like my own, personal battle cry. Some days I do feel like I’m being attacked with swords and spears and I find great comfort in this imagery that I am armed with the strength of the Lord of hosts. And that I can overcome. And that I can succeed. And that my resolve will be strengthened until those particular swords and spears are more like toothpicks and Q-tips. Today I will be a fighter.